Music video: Big Bang - Monster

I have to hand it to Big Bang. Whenever I think the outfits, the hair and the make-up can't get any more metrosexual and 200°C messy...it all does. 

This was looking like some high budget gay porn without the cock shots. Taeyang's afro puffs. Daesung's blinging nose rings. G-Dragon's wigs. T.O.P's hat. Taeyang's glitter spangled bib. G-Dragon's wigs. Taeyang's glitter spangled necklace. G-Dragon's wigs. Big Bang's rider list runner (aka Seungri) was the only standard looking member of the group. That's probabaly because they had him picking yellow Skittles out of a bowl for most of the make up and wardrobe fittings...and because ain't nobody caring about Seugnri.

G-Dragon's wigs.

A preview of Crystal Kay looking fly in Far east movement's music video for "Where the wild things flop"

We may have some choice words for Crystal's collaboration with Far east movement in regards to what we hear or don't hear. But what we see? It may be a different thing entirely.

I told this ho to pimp these Far east movement n***a's to get that money and that's exactly what she's doing. From the looks of things Crystal will feature heavily in this video, which I'm all for. She looks as though she's having a blast. Kev Nish was focusing every piece of his attention on her, whilst J-Spliff looked mad and miserable that Crystal had longer and nicer hair to whip and that she's the bigger star on that set. He knows full well who CK is, even if nobody in the US does...or most of Japan for that matter. She best helicopter dat ponytail.

Watching this gave me pangs for an M-Flo and Crystal Kay collabo. 

Single review: Crystal Kay - Forever

Crystal feels guilty. Guilty that for the past 6 years she had given us a messy string of single releases; which swayed between being everything, to sounding like supermarket Christmas fodder a little too casually. Long ass gaps between releases which consisted of a best album, followed by a mini album, followed by a studio album which featured half of the mini album and a dump truck of filler was the last straw. Crystal knows she done f**ked up. Which is why she's released "Forever". A song about what she can 'see in [our] eyes' and some tribal shit going on that you can ask your homie Rafiki to hold a baby in the air to.

Album arts: Namie Amuro - Uncontrolled

This older, terminally ill sister to the Past < Future tour 2010 DVD cover is the cover for Namie's 10th studio album Uncontrolled.

Namie's album covers have always had something about them which made them pop. Uncontrolled just threw a traffic cone in front of a bitch and killed that streak. I really like this shot of her and what it signifies: her eclipsing other bitches (i.e Kumi Koda and Ayumi Hamasaki) with her first week sales. I just don't think it's strong enough for an album cover. And then to throw that nasty font on top and place it so badly. Deal broken. This is some final page of the inlay 'Thank you' section shit. Each of her single covers would have made a better album cover than this. "Break it" and "Sit! Stay! Wait! Down!" in particular. They even somewhat tie in with the album title. Although I'm sure a stan will defend this album cover and tie the album name with her hair blowing all over the place...uncontrolled. Suck it.

I've exhausted how little I'm looking forward to this album based on the lackluster singles. "Naked" and "Yeah-oh" were poppin' like strippers' p***ies on a payday Friday. But everything else has left me feeling emptier inside than Namie looks in music videos. A huge letdown given how from Queen of hip pop to Past < Future Namie was on a bulletproof run of releases.

Quality uncontrolled releases on the same day as Crystal Kay's Vivid. Namie will wipe the floor with her in sales, but my money is already with Crystal. I will buy her album on June 27th without the slightest of thought. But Namie? If she catches me in one of my 'I just need to spend money online on some shit I don't really want, but feel like I need right now moments' I might cop it. But that's a big might.

Mo' Namie: The full music video for "Only you" | Uncontrolled tracklist
Music reviews: 60s 70s 80s | Play | Past < Future | Sit! Stay! Wait! Down!

Album arts + tracklist: Crystal Kay - Vivid

I know some fans are probably already talking out of the side of their mouth about these album covers. She looks boring. They just moved the camera up from the Freedom album cover! Why is a bitch wearing flannel in the Summer? What is this Daisy Duke looking ass mess!? But I really like them. I think this is the best album cover Crystal has come with in EVER. I'm all about the CD only version  (on the right). This seems to be a trend with me when it comes to J-releases. I always think the CD only album covers look better.

Crystal Kay goes all Summer island and shit for "Forever"

Before you watch this preview, bear three things in mind.

1. This sounds better than anything your fave has put out if your fave isn't Crystal
2. "Delicious na kinyoubi" and "Haru arashi" were such beasts of singles, that the gravitational pull from their wig yanking threw Crystal under her own tour bus
3. You will love this shit once you've heard it in full

I love how Crystal is already looking to give us everything Namiserable failed to with ♪ Ze only sing zat can torch meee....is oooo ♪ I'm digging how upbeat and uplifting the song sounds, and it feels very seasonal and relevant for now. I'm guessing the budget got wiped out liked Britney's soul after her father exorcised a bitch for conservator-ship of her money for "Delicious na kinyoubi". Hence why this video looks like it was shot in Ayu's backyard and Crystal has Claire's accessories colour clip-in's, because there wasn't enough money for a full dye job or a lacefront.

I hope Crystal pops her p***y at some point in the full video. I wanna see bitches on hands and knees.

Music video: Namie Amuro - Only you

This is the type of video Beyonce wanted to shoot for "Cater 2 U", and went as far as to slash Kelly Rowland's Range rover tyres and take pliers to Michelle's heels to ensure she could shoot it. Too bad that Michelle chose to wear flats and that Kelly had just taken out road recovery on the day of the shoot.

The horse was giving me more than Namie was. And if you looked really closely at the 2:34 mark, you could see Ayu's "Next level" Cadillac in one corner of the shot and one of her leopard Guilty bangles in the other.

I had a thing for ♪ Ze only sing dat can torch me......iz oooo ♪ when I heard the previews. But having watched this video and heard the song in full all I could think was 'Damn. I pretty much heard the whole song and watched the entire in those previews'. Namie's vocals don't climax at any point in the song save for some off key ♪ Oooorneee ooooooooooooooooo-woooo. Ooooorneee yooooo-oooo-wooo ♪ And the lack of a true bridge was disappointing. I still like this song, I just feel it could have been more. And I could not understand a f**k she was singing in that first verse. I admire Namie for having the courage to sing this entire song in Namiengrish. But I need a Japanese version in my wife. I mean life.

"Hot girls", "In the spotlight (Tokyo)" and "Let's go" are going to have to be 'give hoes cancer, cure their cancer, give them a wig and then snatch it back' amazing for me not to toss this album aside like a pair of old socks.

Crystal's Vivid is going to be that crack which throws Stay miserable under onto the tracks of the Shinano railway line. But we know who will be cleaning kitchen floors with their own wig come release day.

Music video: MEG - Trap

I think I'm in love. Don't ask me why, but this shit reminded me of Ridge racer. Back when it was good and Reiko Nagase was running things. Not in its current 'whored out on the release day for every new gaming system that drops' state. No car. No Drum 'n bass. Yet...Ridge racer. Like I said. Please don't ask. I just do not know.

Having been primarily produced by Yasutaka Nakata of Capsule and Perfume fame for many years, MEG is now stepping out of his shadow. A bold move and one which I would NEVER urge Perfume to follow unless they fancy being broke flops manning the escalators at Fuji television HQ. But it's one which could pay off nicely for MEG if "Trap" is anything to go by. A sexily seductive song with production helmed by Shinichi Osawa - a name J-dance heads are no strangers to. I don't think Meg has anything to worry about. There isn't a single thing in the J-Pop charts or any chart at the moment which sounds like this. She put out a single which sounds like some leftover from the Amélie soundtrack and has won my hear. Kudos MEG. Kudos. I now love you. And Kylie Minogue is planning to rip you right the f**k off for her next album.

There isn't a much of a video to "Trap". It's just MEG spinning around, flicking her wig, rolling around in slow motion on the floor and looking a well dressed skank as she always has done. But it works. It suits the song and MEG looks hot, so I shalln't hate. I should call a sucker out for stamping the whole video with MEG. New Single. TRAP. 2012.6.13 ON Sale. But I think its a cool idea. Fans get the video and the message is there in your face as to when the single is out. And I'll take this over the 1 and a half minute previews Avex roll out for their artists any day of the week. Don't think I won't replace this embeddable video with a version which doesn't have the promotional schpeil stamped on it if I find one though. I'll copy and paste that shit like BoA.

Album arts + tracklistings: Nelly Furtado - The spirit indestructible

Behold. The purple hazed album covers of Nelly Furtado's fifth studio album The Spirit indestructible. Nelly's put on some (lots of) weight since Mi Plan, so I'm not surprised a head shot was all we got here. It's a boring ass album cover, but Nelly's album covers always are. She looks nice though. Digging the native American look. Liking the revision of the type face on her name too. Didn't think she's ever change that.

Nelly Furtado's worldwide follow up to Loose was scheduled for a June 19 release. But after the realization that Justin Bieber will be dropping his long awaited follow up album on the same day, Nelly has now run her ass back to September. I could live in the vain hope that she'll use this extra time to hit up Danja on Twitter and get him to hook her up with some extra material, but I know she won't. Don't nobody want that n***a's beats any more. Po' Danja.

Dead Britney to judge on The X-Factor US. Oh, lawd.

Britney is a judge on The X-Factor. Along with a n***a who can't keep the account books balanced at record labels and a girl who got hit from the back by a Jonas brother and tried to act like she was going off the rails for attention to sell records. How contestants is going to keep straight faces from these three without an IV drip of constant botox to the forehead, I have no idea.

Britney was one of the most successful and powerful stars in the game. WAS. This woman is just an empty carton of orange juice now. I look into her eyes...and I see nothing. I do not see that girl who was popping her p***y wearing a nude body suit in a gyroscope to "Oops!...I did it again" or slid across the floor and mounted a n***a on stage to "I'm a slave 4 U" at the VMA's. Britney died giving birth to her second child. This woman we have now is an indoctrinated ho who is running on Reaper tech which was excavated and commissioned by the Illusive man and then sold to her father. I have no idea who this Soccer mom is or of her current relevance.

New music: Far east movement featuring Crystal Kay - Where the wild things are

To those of you who got excited about Crystal featuring on a Far east movement song, I have no sympathy for you that you're mad at how this turned out. Far east movement have as much musical talent as a tote bag. So I was not expecting this to sound like anything that Crystal would put down for one of her own albums.

The only thing we should get excited about is that this could potentially open doors for Crystal in the States. But given how pis-poor-generic the song is and that Crystal feels like any random ho vocalist who puts no form of impression on the song, I doubt it will do much unless we get a music video and Crystal features in it looking level 99 Flyaga.

The only decent part of this song are Crystal's sections, which are of the type of bounce Crystal is on at the moment with her music anyway. But everything else either side of those is just garbage I don't want to be hearing. Even if I'm as tow up as Bobby Brown at a family barbecue and my hearing has everything sounding like it's underwater; I just don't wanna hear this shit.

Listen: Where the wild things are

Dirty bass
© 2012 Cherrytree records / Interscope records, a Universal music group

Perfume and their song "Point" get pimped in another commercial of canned piss

If you were planning to drop by Shaniqua's on the way home to get those new tracks put in, don't bother. Perfume are back. They don't really want wigs. They just take them because they can.

Kirin are once again pimping the robohoes' continually soaring popularity (which is quickly reaching beyond the shores of Japan) to boost sales of their piss in a can. The song this time around is "Point", which sounds plain and generic by Perfume and Yasutaka's standards. But after "Glitter", the only way was down. It is rather nice to hear that their sound has switched up beyond the normal chip tune inspired club bangers. I just hope this drum & bass tinged song doesn't swamp into a dubstep breakdown. Although I bet Yasutaka would trick the f**k out of it, if it were to. Now I'm kinda hoping that it does. Because Yasutaka's wub-wub would surely be the best wub-wub in the world.