Namie names her 11th studio album after the one thing she's unable to do. Feel.

Namie Amuro will be dropping a new album this Summer. This is 150%. Ain't no joke. Home girl is slating that album to drop soon. It will be titled Feel, which sounds like a mess to me, but so did Uncontrolled. Especially when we all know that Namie doesn't look like she can 'feel' anything and is as 'controlled' as they come. But, whatever. No release date has been confirmed at time of writing, but with the Summer window being confirmed, we should have it by August. September the latest.

Namie has shot a PV for her frequent flyer anthem "Contrail" which should hit Space shower within the next few weeks. I imagine the video is going to look like "Only you" part 2, except with a weaker soundtrack - because I straight up have no love for the song. The shot above is taken from the set of the video.

I've not liked any song I've heard from Namie post "Damage". My anticipation for this new album is subterranean. I couldn't care any less about it if I tried. The Namie fan in my is fighting it though and hoping that the album material will be so good and compensate for the shittastic singles. But the pessimist in me who doesn't want his heart broken is not getting his hopes up.

I really do hope that Namie takes my advice and titles her next best album Les Namiserables.

Namiserable single / album reviews: 60s 70s 80s | Play | Past < Future | Sit! Stay! Wait! Down! | Uncontrolled

Crystal Kay puts in work in the US. New English studio album on the way?

For the past month there has been lots of speculation as to what our flop home girl Crystal Kay is up to. Constant Instagrams chronicling her time in the US, trips to the studio with well established songwriters and producers is leading everybody to believe that she is working on an English studio album. And rightly so. Everything seems to be pointing in that direction and it is something Crystal had mentioned a desire to do numerous times in recent interviews.

Sony may have been tight with those album advances, but Universal are cutting those cheques for CK to cash abroad. Thus far, Crystal has cut tracks in the States with...

• Ex Bloodshy & Avant protégé Fredro (Wonder girls' "G.N.O", MiChi's "Find your way", Mýa's "Fabulous life")
• Stargate affiliated songwriter Autumn Rowe (Alexis Jordan's "Happiness")
• Claude Kelly (Brandy's "Camouflage", Britney's "Circus", Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA" and half of Christina Aguilera's record breaking flop Bionic)
• Vidal Davis (Ciara's "Oh", Usher's "Caught up", Mary J. Blige "Hurt again", Michael Jackson's "Butterflies")

All very high profile songwriters and producers who have hits in the bag. CK is NOT playing. She wants to see her name on that Billboard chart and remember what it feels like to be in the top 20 of the ORICON chart.

Music video: Lee Hyori - Miss Korea

What I initially thought was Lee Hyori being ballsy and proclaiming to every woman in South Korea to take a seat, is actually a declaration of how stupid ideals of beauty are. Easy to say when you look as hot as Lee Hyori does. But shade aside, "Miss Korea" is a great song, with an equally great video. It'd be easy for Hyori to do another "Chitty chitty bang bang", but instead she's giving us substance and leaving all that vacuous shit to the younger girls.

Lee Hyori's vocals leave A LOT to be desired. There are many women in K-Pop who could have sung this better. The 60's vibe is right up the Wonder girls street and they'd already done this whole black and white thing for "Be my baby". And Ga-In is a chick who comes to mind as somebody who would have killed this song and video. But credit where it's due, Hyori does a good job. Let's see how long it takes before a plagiarism claim comes out of the woodwork. Or VOGUE and fashion houses order a cease and desist of the video because  of unlicensed use of their logos.

Music video: Mariah Carey featuring Miguel - #Beautiful

If Mariah Carey hasn't learnt by now, she never will. I have been saying for years that this woman needs a new team of stylists, make-up artists and visual directors - because this whole overblown Marilyn Monroe sex kitten act is tired and making Mariah look unflatteringly unsexy. But Mariah's doing as Mariah always does. If she hasn't changed by now, she never will.

She looked hot on the bike. (I took note of the camera angles and home girl holding in her stomach, because I KNOW Mariah ain't got that E=MC² body back). But it was still awkward to watch. The scene in the barn made me want to scratch my eyes out. Was there any point in her even wearing the dress when she was lifting up the skirt to flash her ass and her pussy the whole entire time!? This woman has kids. It seems despite entering the world of motherhood, she failed to pick up that introductory flyer on 'tact'. Watching animals talk as a rat goes face down in lettuce in Charlotte's web was sexier than watching Mariah wind machine it in a barn.

Music video: Perfume - Magic of love

This video is like "One room disco", "Fushizen na girl" and "Spice" with a bit of "Voice" - which makes it AWESOME! It does a great job of making the song much more likeable. Despite being a good song, it's not Perfume's most instantly likeable single. But the the video gave me a newfound liking of it. Not enough to pull me away from "Glitter" and "Spending all my time". But I'm willing to give this song more time of the day than "Mirai no museum", which was a giant piece of shit and I don't care which children's movie that shit was for. Crystal Kay was still able to give me a banger for Pokémon. These bitches should have done the same.

"Magic of love" is not a song I'd ever play, but I could gladly sit and watch the video again. Although hearing Nocchi sing kills a percentage of her sex appeal. She has the worst voice in the group. THE worst. It's no wonder why Nakata auto tunes the bitch.

Listen... Perfume - Magic of love

Let's get one thing straight. "Magic of love" is an upgrade from "Mirai no museum". I can actually listen to this song without wanting to throw up in my own mouth.

Much in the same way we were all punk'd when the "Spring of life" teaser dropped, we got punk'd in exactly he same way upon hearing "Magic of love" in the TV commercial - which gave absolutely no sign that the verses would feature such a drastic change in melody. The melody change on the verses isn't the only shocker. The girls get solo spots void of any backing vocals, auto tune or vocoding. It's refreshing to hear and adds a completely new element to the song as you get to hear the robohoes sing in a way we've not heard before. But it pretty much confirms that these bitches really cannot sing. I love Nocchi like I love my Super Nintendo. But she can't sing to save a life.

I'm on the fence with "Magic of love". But the more I listen to it, the more I like it. I think "Magic of love" is going to be a slow burner for me. I'll probably love it by the time they release the album it features on, but until then I'll keep playing the shit out of "Spending all my time". Yes. I still play that repetitive, Engrished out EDM jam. It's perfection.

I've not been wholly in love with Perfume's singles this era with the exception of "Spending all my time", which is leaving me concerned for the album which will follow. If Nakata isn't bastardizing the girls' sound, he's playing it wholly safe. Pussy Pamyu is getting the best of his material for her singles which is making Perfume's shit sound even worse.

The 20/20 experience gets itself a world tour and a second half

Justin Timberlake has announced he will embark on a world tour. Which is about as much news as Pepsiyoncé pussy popping on hers. But the interesting tid bit is that the second volume of The 20/20 experience is 150% FO' REALS and has been given an official release date of September 30th, just before the world tour kicks off - which means he will be performing all of the new material from his albums. D'you hear that Henney's & Maurtizyoncé!? NEW MATERIAL BEFORE A WORLD TOUR! Johnny Wright needs to holla at her people.

The 20/20 experience is a nice album as a whole, which flowed nicely, but was lacking that extra sauce his previous albums had. So I'm rather eager to hear this second part and see if it will fill in the gaps left by its other half. Will it follow the same vibe as the part 1, or will it be completely different? Will Timbaland and J-Roc still be the primary producers of it!? I'd love it if Pharrell produced it in its entirety. I'm beginning to wonder if those studio sessions with Pharrell and Justin I'd heard about were a myth.

I've never been to a JT gig, but would like to go. Say what you will about this dude, but he knows how to put on a show. He is one of the few artists who came up during the pop explosion of the late 90's early 00's who is still around and still able to shut it down live. It's certainly more than can be said for his ex girlfriend...

Album review: The 20/20 experience

Pharrell 'performs' Daft Punk's "Get lucky" for the first time

Daft Punk have gone straight in at number 1 on the singles chart in 12 countries with their disco funk perfection that is "Get lucky" despite having no full length music video or so much as performing it live. But Pharrell did the honours at a HTC launch event. If I were Daft Punk I wouldn't know whether to be flattered or pissed off, because this performance was...well...see it for yourself.

Album art: Kelly Rowland - Talk a good game

Beyoncé's ex back-up singer has released 2 singles about her pussy, so it's only right she sells some sex on her album cover and boy does she sell it. Kelly McRowland looks hawt! Kelly's display of strategically covered titty and choice of wig looks much better and sexier than Beyonce's on 4. Just putting that out there.

Kelly's third studio flop is slated for a June 18th release. We all wondered why Beyoncé hadn't let the cat out of the bag regarding her album release date. This is why. She was waiting for Kelly to announce her shit first so she could doo-doo on her from a great height with a release date which throws Kelly's chances of success into utter jeopardy. Not that she needs Beyoncé to do this. Kelly is capable of flopping all by herself. Let's all set our watches for Pepsiyoncé to announce her album is dropping the week before Kelly's and that she's making an in-store appearance at the grand opening of a new store H&M in NYC the day Kelly's album drops. Beyoncé won't let the step children of destiny catch no shine.

If Talk a good game is more Ms. Kelly than Here I am, then I'll be pleased. But if it's going to be 13 tracks of Kelly singing about the needs of her pussy, then I'm going to have to pass. And based on "Ice", "Kisses down low", the album title and the album cover, all signs are pointing towards Kelly's vagina.

Music video: Iggy Azalea - Bounce

Iggy is that girl that makes shit work. Whether she's sitting on some American neighbourhood door stop rapping about pussy, popping for a red-neck about how she git dat work, or goes Bollywood glam about making the booty bounce - she always sells it.

"Bounce" is Iggy's most commercial sounding song to date and her first which sounds like it could be a worldwide hit. Too bad it's only releasing in Europe, which isn't such a bad thing because this song is pretty Euro-centric, even with all of the Indian flourishes. Featuring production from London based trio The invisible men and also sounding like something from London's darling M.I.A.

The video to this song is amazing. Iggy's visuals to date have all been cool, quirky and avoid the common denominators. Rather than shoot a video which features girls twerking and booty clapping in a car park full of n***a's, Iggy puts on a Sari, shimmy's with her Indian home girls and rides an elephant through Mumbai.

Kashiyuka snatches Chun-Li's wig in the preview of Perfume's "Magic of love" music video.

After boring us to tears with their music videos for "Spending all my time" and "Mirai no museum", Perfume are back on that playful, colourful, somebody-was-in-the-editing-room-until-early-hours-to-match-the-trickery-swag for "Magic of love".

These Robohoes had better not skimp with the dance routine. Perfume have developed a horrible habit of not dancing full routines in their music videos (in the case of "Spending all my time", not dancing at all) and then performing the song live and snatching everything within a mile radius with the full routine (i.e "Spending all my time").

I'm still not in love with the song, but the visuals are more of what you would expect from a Perfume video, following a deviation on their past 3 music videos; and that I do like.

KASHIYUKA'S KICK THO!!! She kicked that shit so fast that the pussy didn't know what day of the week it was when those legs opened and that foot went up.

Reviews: Game | JPN | Spring of life | Spending all my time

Music video: Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - Invader Invader

This is my fucking jam. Fuck a "Ninjari bang bang". Nakata is giving Pussy Pamyu the magic and throwing Perfume's shit under a Golden week rickshaw. The production on this song is fire. I can't even talk out the side of my mouth about the inclusion of dubstep, because it works. It just...works. It's almost a shame it went to Pussy Pamyu because an extra bit in the way of vocals would have made this song top 10 errrthang. 

Whilst the song is an A, the video is a Z. This video is a piece of shit. It's pretty much a re-enactment of her "Invader Invader" performances from her 'world' tour, except somebody actually coughed up some yen for some form of stage set. This girl is getting cheques from Sega, Big echo, G.U and Adidas. So, why are her videos progressively getting worse and looking cheaper?